Condiments are like a life insurance policy on any meal.
Whether you effed up another cooking attempt at home or just paid too many dollars for a lackluster burger, chances are good that there’s a bottle of something or other that can fix that situation. (Hey, we didn’t say it had to be in the pantry. If it’s that bad, check the liquor cabinet…)
Now if you like a little punch of heat in your flavor profile, you’ve surely come across a bottle of that delicious red sauce shown in the photo above.
Sriracha is a Thai chili sauce, commonly found in Thai (duh), Vietnamese and vegetarian/vegan restaurants the world over. It’s totally possible to live decades of a human life and never come into contact with a bottle of sriracha. But once exposed to the goodness within, many people start keeping a bottle at home for use as a utility condiment. (That means it goes on everything they eat.)
In fact, sriracha tends to became sort of a way of life for some people.
If you didn’t know, you’re about to find out because drunkMall went deep searching for sriracha swag this week and here’s what we found!
#1 Retro Sriracha Trucker Hat
For some reason, Huy Fong Foods is far and away the most popular brand of sriracha sauce in the USA.
Maybe it’s the rooster.
Maybe it’s the jarring color scheme of bright red sauce in a clear bottle with a green lid, nearly impossible to forget once you’ve seen it.
Maybe it just look real, you know?
Whatever the case, it’s a hip product. The kids dig it.
All those ingredients come together in this badass sriracha trucker hat!
#2 Sriracha Billfold Wallet
Don’t head out to your local pho place without making sure to grab your wallet!
If that place is any good at all then there’s a decent chance it’s cash only – sorry, Apple Pay.
This wallet is easy to remember because it’s bright red and green like a bottle of sriracha!
You got two big pockets for paper currency and receipts, two credit card pockets that are expandable and can fit many cards and then you have two easy-access business card pockets.
What more do you need?
A bowl of noodles, that’s what!
#3 Mini Sriracha Bottle Keychain
So you’ve got a bottle of the sauce at home, cool.
But how’s it gonna go down when you get served up a hot plate of tastes-like-nothing at some overhyped restaurant and they ain’t even got the respect to keep a bottle of Huy Fong up in the house?
Here’s the scenario we like best: it’s not even a problem because you got the sriracha on lock with a mini bottle keychain!
These little keychain bottles ship empty but they come in 3 packs or 10 packs, so you can go in on a full-size bottle with the roomies and use it to fill your new secret weapon!
#4 The Sriracha Cookbook
You’re used to using sriracha after the fact, as a topper on totally separate recipes and whatnot.
But if you like it so much as a fixer, why not make it the main event?
This is an entire cookbook with 50 rooster sauce recipes that put that Thai chili sauce center stage in every dish!
#5 Gojira Hot Sauce Shirt
There’s no reason for this shirt to exist but who would want to live in a world where it didn’t?
One of our favorite things at drunkMall is Godzilla movies. All of them. Doesn’t matter. Shutup. They’re all good. Honestly, it’s a miracle that we didn’t start a site just for Godzilla related products instead of this trainwreck of a blog.
Anyway, yeah. Look at that beautiful thing. You know you want one.
#6 Condiment Gun
Condiment guns are just a fun way to apply sauces to food.
That’s it. Pure and simple.
But there’s something so fitting about filling the cylinder of that red gun with the sweet and spicy sauce that is sriracha and pulling the trigger for a healthy shot of flavor right on top of that hot dog! (Or vegan dog or whatever you’re doing with your life.)
#7 Sriracha Candy Canes
Red and green, green and red.
It’s gonna be a recurring theme when the focus is on sriracha. (That color scheme, remember?)
But those colors are also really common at Christmas, which may possibly explain why someone felt the need to make spicy hot sriracha flavored candy canes but it’s also still pretty WTF.
For extra fun with the family, try to find regular peppermint candy canes with the same stripe pattern and mix the two different kinds together in a big bag!
#8 Distressed Sriracha Pajama Pants
Loungin’ around the house never looked so spicy!
You know the drill by now, yeah?
It’s a pair of super comfy sweatpants that have the color scheme of the most famous brand of sriracha in Americayaddayadda…
#9 Sriracha Lip Balm
But wait, what’s this?!
Why on earth would anyone want to rub hot sauce on the outside of their lips without even getting to enjoy delicious food?
The lips are the most sensitive part of the whole ordeal!
You people are sick. There’s something wrong with y’all…
Oh, hold up – it’s got the SPF15 in it, too. That’s chill.
#10 Cock Sauce T-Shirt
If there wasn’t gonna be a single dick joke made in this post then the hate mail would have been out of control this week.
Come on, they put a rooster right there on the bottle!
This is America. You know we’re gonna start calling that stuff “cock sauce” on like Day 1, before recess even.
The best part about this shirt is that it doesn’t say “sriracha” or “chili” or “hot sauce” anywhere on it. So, like, people who love and use sriracha all of the time will see the shirt, think it’s hilarious, buy it and wear it – all without realizing that people who aren’t obsessed with the stuff will have no idea what the joke is and it just looks like they’re walking around in a shirt that says COCK SAUCE – SHAKE WELL on it.