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Human’s Best Friend

Human’s Best Friend

  • Aug 27, 2016

Humans don't deserve dogs. They're the greatest. No matter what stupid shit you did at work that day or who thinks you're the worst person they've ever met, if you take good care of a dog then that creature will…

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GIVEAWAY: Coffee Gummy Cubes

GIVEAWAY: Coffee Gummy Cubes

  • Aug 23, 2016

Caffeine is maybe the most socially acceptable addiction. Which is great because caffeine is amazing and the fact that so many people use it and it's legal and all of that means we get to enjoy fantastic innovations in the…

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Greatest Hits Of The Hype Machine

Greatest Hits of The Hype Machine

  • Aug 20, 2016

If you aren't aware that Frank Ocean (kinda) released his ridiculously hyped new album over this weekend, you probably don't need a website called drunkMall to tell you that you're out of touch with what's going on in the world today. But for…

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Golf Club Piss Jug

Golf Club Piss Jug

  • Aug 29, 2016

This is what they call a gamechanger! Golf is a game where you spend most of a day walking around outside and swinging various sticks at a little ball until you knock it into this hole or that hole. It's…

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Bathroom Tablet Stand

Bathroom Tablet Stand

  • Aug 29, 2016

Addicted to your tablet? We've got just the thing to keep you from having to put down Candy Crush or take a potty break during your solo Frasier marathon! This contraption is a tablet stand with a built-in toilet paper…

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Michelangelo’s David Light Switch Plate

Michelangelo’s David Light Switch Plate

  • Aug 29, 2016

Michelangelo's sculpture, David, is unquestionably one of the greatest artistic achievements in human history. It's truly remarkable. But, since we're all stupid monkeys, all anyone ever talks about his the tiny penis on the statue. So David was a grower,…

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Shithead Sunglasses

Shithead Sunglasses

  • Aug 28, 2016

Hey, poophead, we found you some new sunglasses! There are probably hundreds of reasons to purchase these poo emoji sunglasses but we're gonna talk about the two biggest possible reasons you may want to own this marvelous product. The first…

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Vodka Bottle Phone Case

Vodka Bottle Phone Case

  • Aug 28, 2016

"I didn't text you. Vodka texted you." We've all done it. Shit, the theme of this entire website is getting drunk and shopping online, so it would be downright negligent of drunkMall not to show you this hilarious phone case! Have…

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Keep It 100 Sweatpants

Keep It 100 Sweatpants

  • Aug 28, 2016

It's hard to keep it 100 when you're uncomfortable... And that won't be a problem at all in these 100 emoji sweats! With elastic bands at the ankles and waist, these are actually designed be jogging pants. That means the…

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Playtime For Couples Coloring Book

Playtime for Couples Coloring Book

  • Aug 27, 2016

There are adult coloring books and then there are adult coloring books. This is the second kind. Oh, you don't know what that means because we literally just used the same exact words to describe two different things? Fine, we'll break…

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Chin Hammock

Chin Hammock

  • Aug 27, 2016

Trying to catch some shuteye on long journeys is nothing short of a nightmare for most people. See, it's mostly an issue of gravity and stasis. The physical effects of gravity often prevent a comfortable degree of stasis when trying…

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Bike Balls Tail Light

Bike Balls Tail Light

  • Aug 26, 2016

It takes balls to ride a bicycle at night - tail light balls! Every cyclist knows that night rides require certain safety precautions. Visibility is key. Reflective clothing, stick-on plastic reflectors for the bike... Those are good. You should probably…

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Conch Shells

Conch Shells

  • Aug 26, 2016

It's happened to all of us. You lied about going to the Bahamas over summer vacation when really you just didn't answer anyone's texts for six weeks and stayed inside playing 2k career mode... It happens! Everyone might buy that story…

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Office Space Party Game

Office Space Party Game

  • Aug 26, 2016

Office Space was an amazing movie and now it's a really fun board game! No, it's not a Jump-to-Conclusions mat... In fact, it's pretty much a mash up of all the tried and true party games we already know and…

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