Brass Balls keychain

The (veiny) attention to detail here is admirable.

This keychain is obviously our Singles Awareness Day countdown item of the day. Why? Because guys in relationships don’t get to bring their balls with them when they leave the house. “Freedom” is what you see when you see a guy walking around with a set of brass nuts on his keyring.

Your brass balls may arrive a bit smoother and shinier than you expect. They’re new. But if you have the testicular fortitude to carry them around for a good long while, they will age with dignity (unlike their biological inspiration).

Just think of all the puns you’ll be inviting into your life! Having your car keys lost or mixed up by valet parking isn’t likely to happen ever again, right? And if you ever volunteer to be the designated driver, well, that takes balls, too, friend.

[Want more products with a sexual theme that may or may not make any sense at all? You’re looking for drunkMall’s Sex Sells gift guide!]

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