We hope you’ve been using Halloween season as an excuse to indulge in your favorite candies…
Sure, you’re an adult now and it would be way weird of you to try and go trick or treating to score some free candy.
But also, you’re an adult now and nobody can stop you from heading down to one of those pop-up Halloween candy outlet stores, racking up a $100 charge on your credit card, going home, shutting the porch light off so it looks like no one is home and doing major damage to your self esteem and blood sugar levels like your American heritage demands….
That American heritage is only good for so much though, folks.
Yeah, we got Tootsie Rolls and and all the regular candy bars with caramel and nougat and crunchy what-have-you’s. But that stuff is basic. It’s basic as fuck, if you want the truth.
To really step outside of the box in Candyland, you’ve got to visit Japan. Because, baby – it’s a deliciously weird world out there…
#1 Kitten Marshmallows
This list is going to visit some very strange territory, so let’s ease into it with something cute – a little kawaii action, if you will.
Marshmallows are a very simple thing.
Japanese culture excels at taking a very simple thing, turning it into a work of art and then feeding that work of art to someone. That’s why you get to live in a world where these adorable marshmallows exist!
These itty bitty kitty ‘mallows are specially designed to float in a cup of liquid like a cute kitten is trying to escape the beverage. Hot chocolate, anyone?
#2 Build-A-Burger Candy
Tiny burger candy!
Actually, it’s a tiny burger candy kit.
Yes, if you’re looking for the convenience of fast food in your mini fast food candy, this isn’t it. This is more like a science project you get to eat at the end.
The kit comes with packets of sugar powder, molds and all the other stuff you’ll need to make these sweet little sliders at home.
One bit of advice: Japanese microwaves are different than the ones we use in America. You’ll probably want to cut the cooking times in half and do 5 seconds more until each piece is done.
#3 Green Tea Kit Kat
Kit Kat is one of the most popular candies in Japan. The Japanese phrase kitto katsu translates to “you’ll surely win,” so many people actually believe Kit Kat is a treat that brings good luck!
As a result of this massive popularity, there’s a whole roster of Kit Kat varieties that are only available in Japan. Some of them may sound a little freaky to you – like sake flavored Kit Kat or the pumpkin pudding Kit Kat varieties – but the matcha green tea Kit Kit bar is truly an excellent dessert.
You’re pretty much only ever going to be able to get these shipped to you from Japan, so do the smart thing and stock up in the fall/winter months so the candy doesn’t melt in shipment!
#4 Beauty Rose Chews
Kit Kat isn’t the only candy with, uh, dubious beliefs surrounding it…
These rose flavored candies are soft in the middle with a slightly crunchy exterior. That’s a little different but not too far out there – oh wait…
Turns out, these rose chews are supposed to have “special healing benefits” due to the inclusion of vitamin C and collagen. (Not a vegetarian treat, then. In fact, those with dietary restrictions are strongly encouraged to research the ingredients of anything on this list before placing an order.)
Some believe these candies prevent aging in the skin, smooth out wrinkles and even improve the natural odor of your body…
#5 Rice Candy with Edible Wrapper
Botan Rice Candy has been around for a very long time. A traditional candy, it’s soft and chewy with a slight citrus flavor. (Lemon and orange flavors are commonly used today)
Each box comes with 12 individually wrapped candy chews and the wrappers are made of edible rice paper! You aren’t required to eat the wrapper but if you want to then simply place it on your tongue to feel it melt away!
#6 Roasted Coffee Drops
Can’t get enough coffee?
Satisfy those “between cups” cravings with some hard candies!
Containing coffee extract (whatever that is) as well as actual instant coffee, these things taste as close as you can get to a cup of (lightly sweetened) straight black coffee without risking a spill.
#7 Beer Caramel
The Hokkaido region of Japan is renowned for its breweries.
Naturally, the candy manufacturers had to get in on that action by creating these “beer caramels” that not only taste like beer but have real alcohol in them! drunkMall, indeed.
Keep these away from the children. They’ll get there soon enough on their own.
#8 Black Sugar Rocks
Have you ever tasted straight molasses?
These candies don’t taste exactly like that but it’s damn close. Like, somewhere between black strap molasses and brown sugar. Somewhere in the middle.
Heads up that the pieces are very hard, basically a rock candy. The description on Amazon would also like you to know that there are no spices used in making this candy, as well as “goluptious on direct fire,” whatever the fuck that means.
#9 Corn Candy (Not Candy Corn)
In America, we have candy corn.
It’s awful and if you like it then you’re wrong.
But you’d probably rather down a fistful of candy corn than try some of this candy, which apparently tastes like real corn mixed with some mysterious “milk” flavor.
The front of the package boasts a “good taste of the fashion life” – so that’s nice…
#10 Lamb Flavored Caramel
Hold on to your butts, boys and girls. We’re in strange waters…
Apparently “Genghis Khan” is what the Japanese call their take on grilled mutton. That’s fancy talk for “lamb,” of course. It must taste amazing because they like it so much they even want their caramels to taste like it…
drunkMall gift guide posts have always featured ten items only but it was impossible to choose only ten items for this one, so keep scrolling!
#11 Butt Jellies
Remember a second ago when we told you to hold on to your butts?
Well now you may place them in your mouth and enjoy their delicious flavor because it’s butt candy time!
It’s another do-it-yourself kit but the texture of these is different than the burger candies above. This is more of a pudding-type thing, called shin-chan jelly. You get two “scents” of jelly per pack…
#12 Toilet Powder
And, so, our fun trip through many weird and wonderful Japanese candies comes to an end as so many other things come to an end: with a trip to the toilet…
If you’re looking for an explanation here, we don’t have one.
Those are literally miniature plastic toilets with fizzy candy powder water inside of them and straws for slurping up the sweet slop into your mouth.