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Cute Lip Balms

BEAUTY: Cute Lip Balms!

When it comes to making first impressions, lips are important. Even if it's not a person you intend on ever kissing or anything like that, you can't deny that healthy lips just give you a more positive feeling about a…

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Japanese Bondage Coloring Book

Japanese Bondage Coloring Book

Are coloring books the new Tumblr? Because Tumblr hit the scene like ten years ago and their users started posting porn all over the site like 9 years and 364 days ago. Now you can't even open your Tumblr app…

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Cute and Kinky Rolling Papers

Cute and Kinky Rolling Papers

For when you're absolutely obsessed with every aspect of your cute and perverted life being on brand: it's pink pussy rolling papers! The actual papers are white. In fact, there's nothing really special or different about the rolling papers themselves.…

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Girls Girls Girls Patch

Girls Girls Girls Patch

Girls, girls, girls! It's like magic... When you see those words, hear those words, say those words - it usually means a good time! You could be headed to a hole-in-the-wall strip club with great drink specials. Maybe there's a…

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Bear Bikini Top

Bear Bikini Top

Good news, baby bear cubs! Maybe the cutest top ever is right here, available to order - at least, while supplies last. (The medium size is already sold out.) The obvious selling point here is the adorable bears on the…

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Return to Twin Peaks

EXCLUSIVE: Return to Twin Peaks

Welcome back to Twin Peaks, everybody! It gives us unparalleled pleasure to bring this gift guide to you. drunkMall would have eventually written a big post all about Twin Peaks products because season one is literally the best season of…

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Disney Princess Bikinis

Disney Princess Bikinis

There's never been a better time in history to be obsessed with becoming a Disney princess! Cosplay is so totally in right now and Disney is on top of their game as always, so you'd assume that clever folks (*cough*…

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Naked Grandma Phone Case

Naked Grandma Phone Case

Pink is not dead. Neither is punk and neither are grandmas. Well, some grandmas are dead. But the concept of grandmas is as alive as ever. Aliver, even! Golden Girls is so hot right now - and, honestly, grandmas these…

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Big Stripper Gnome

Big Stripper Gnome

Ooh la la! Let your freak flag fly a little bit with this risqué variation on the garden gnome theme. Instead of a regular ass garden gnome, this is more like the stripping gnome that would be working the shady…

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Penis Worship Lighter

Penis Worship Lighter

In the long tradition of greasy gold chains worn on exposed hairy chests and TIME TO FUCK wristwatches, we proudly direct your attention to this lighter in the form of a gargantuan golden cock being embraced (worshipped?) by a naked…

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Tits Out Wrist Rest Mousepad

Tits Out Wrist Rest Mousepad

Sitting at a computer all day every day can be really bad for your body. That's not what your system was made to do, like even a little bit, so you probably need to make adjustments to your setup to…

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Obscene Ashtray

Obscene Ashtray

Wow! Right? Oh, you'd better believe there's a market for this type of merchandise and there has been for a W-H-I-L-E now... Basically every porn producer in The '70s had an ashtray like this in their office... their house... the…

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