This ain’t the year to dress up as a clown for Halloween, okay?
Grabbing a cheap makeup kit and making yourself look like busted ass ICP fan might have been good enough to get you in to the costume party every other year. But with all the “creepy clown” sightings going down right now (and the sometimes violent reactions from American citizens), 2016 ain’t the year to fuck with your inner Pennywise.
You don’t have to be trying to win a contest or anything but you also don’t want to end up with the worst costume ever. There are SO MANY ideas all over this site under our costumes tag and here’s a lit list of even more dope ass costume ideas!
#1 SFX Wizard Robe
There are all sorts of wizard.
You’ve got your old school bearded pipe smoker variety, your newfangled nerd with a wand variety…
One kind of wizard that’s been difficult to pull off until now is the mysterious sorcerer monk. Sure, you can get some oversized hooded robe and walk around with your head down all night but then you’ll just look like a regular ass monk.
The “Technomancer 2.0” robe is outfitted with light and sound units that respond to different “spell” movements!
#2 Werewolf Mask & Claw Gloves
Werewolves are one of the heavy hitters of Halloween – a total classic.
Going as a werewolf for Halloween is pretty easy to botch, for the same reason that it’s easy to make a really bad werewolf movie…
If it doesn’t look good then it looks really, really bad.
It’s all in the hands, really.
You can do everything else right but your puny little human hands can ruin the entire thing in a second. That’s why it’s best to go with a costume that has good looking hands included, like this one. And the best part is that you don’t even really need to do anything else for a costume – just wear something with long sleeves and a high collar or even a hood!
#3 Zipper Face
Aside from the fact that it’s creepy and dangerous, the crappy thing about these clowns is that it really is such an easy last-minute Halloween getup. You can basically wear whatever you want, go buy a makeup kit and you’re done.
The good news is that makeup kits have come a long way in the past decade or so. With just about the same amount of work, you can actually have a pretty great “from the neck up” costume.
This “zipper face” kit is one of the best ones. Pick a place on your face and add a gross “unzipped” effect!
[We’ve got plenty more fresh out of the grave products for you in drunkMall’s Zombiepocalypse gift guide!]
#4 Blow Up Doll Mask with Wig
It’s a total cliche – the “sexy” costume on Halloween.
Sexy cats, sexy nurses, sexy professional baseball players…
The thing about sex, though. A lot of the time, what you thought was sexy becomes very not-sexy as soon as you have an orgasm. Like blow up dolls!
Throw a twist into the sexy Halloween costume play with this (pretty damn weird) blow up doll mask. It comes with a slutty wig!
#5 Sexy Straightjacket
Another take on the sexy costume – add a bit of scary into the mix!
This thing is like a weird cross between a cocktail dress and a straightjacket. You know, the things they put mental patients in so they won’t hurt themselves or anyone else?
On Halloween, you can be that person everyone’s looking to find – deadly hot!
#6 Harley Quinn
Wrapping up the “sexy” segment of this guide is the single most attractive comic book character ever created: Harley Quinn!
You can’t talk about sexy cosplay without talking about Harley Quinn. She’s the quintessential bad girl. Probably the very first crush of many boys and girls reading this right now.
The recent movie Suicide Squad has its haters and its fans but one thing you just can’t fuck up (even if you try) is Harley Quinn. This costume is the full package – booty shorts, bracelets, “Daddy’s Lil Monster” shirt, jacket, collar and even a shoulder holster!
Say you haven’t been hitting the gym (and the HGH) as hard as you thought you would in 2016…
Maybe you don’t feel up to parading around in public wearing nothing but boots, a loin cloth and pointless metal breastplate. Who could blame you? It could be really cold out, too!
Don’t let any of that stop you from living out your fantasy of being a true Master of the Universe!
The jumpsuit keeps you clothed and is padded with huge fake muscles. The wig, breastplate, loin cloth and boot covers are also included. You will, however, need to provide your own shoes, as well as a sword.
#8 Puppy Princess Leia
You aren’t the only one who likes to have fun.
Dogs love to be included in everything the tall two-legged creatures are doing, so let that pooch get in on the Halloween fun with a precious (and hilarious) Princess Leia costume!
If you haven’t seen these things yet, they’re amazing. The outfit goes over the front legs of your pet and the fake arms make it look like a tiny dog-faced person roaming around!
The wig is included and this comes in several sizes to fit different breeds of dog.
#9 Murder Suit
There’s no rule that says you can’t simply dress your best on All Hallow’s Eve.
But it certainly helps if “your best” looks like it was pulled out of a serial killer’s closet!
You know how killers in movies always wear a full body plastic jumpsuit when they know they’re gonna kill someone? This suit is like if the killer forgot to do that while wearing a nice white suit.
It’s legit a nice suit, too. Not some crappy costume version of a suit. And if you need the shoes to match, we found those earlier this year: Murder Shoes
#10 Dickhead Mask
We’ve reached the conclusion of this wonderful guide to Halloween costumes.
It didn’t take that much time and, honestly, it’s still hard to believe that working for drunkMall is considered a real job. But all of that being said, if you didn’t see anything here that you like, it’s totally possible that you’re just a dickhead.
So this one’s for you!