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Crushed Velvet Track Pants

Crushed Velvet Track Pants

Good luck finding a pair of these in your local thrift shop.

That’s where you should find something like this, of course. Because whatever decade spawned this piece of fashion is long gone and it ain’t coming back. And what the fuck decadeĀ did spawn these?

Could be The ’50s, since bowling alleys were one of the few places you could get your parents to drop you off for some good, clean fun. Sure, you were in a bathroom stall doing some serious fingerfucking for most of the night but you had to dress the part and this looks like some shit you’d wear while bowling.

Then again, Austin Powers would probably rock a pair of these and he was shaggin’ in The ’60s.

Honestly, the drugs have just gotten easier to get since then so any other decade would work, too. Up until 9/11, at least. No way you’re getting a pair of crushed velvet lounge pants with a racing stipe down the side mass produced in a post “I Heart NY” t-shirt world, right?

Better grab these things while you can. What else you gonna wear while loungin’ around in the caravan?

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