D.C. punk is BACK, maggots.
Throw a “Hardcore Punk of The ’80s” retrospective box set into your 150-disc CD changer! Dump out a 40 of King Cobra and fill it back up with a respectable chardonnay! Don’t forget the struggle (to get elected to the Oval Office)! Don’t forget the streets! Stay young ’til you die!
Ted Cruz is not just a minor threat. He is old school hardcore as fuck. Don’t believe it?
Here’s a video clip of him sitting on a water fountain at a Christian college in 1988, making a hilarious joke about ass sweat, dishin’ out some mad love for those ’80s titties and expressing an urgent desire to take over the world:
Sounds just like a skinhead in jackboots to us!
Wake up from your American Nightmare and order one of these extremely limited edition Youth Cruz sweatshirts, brought to you by the creator of the massively popular Emo Kylo Ren account on Twitter.
[Hit up the punkMall Gift Guide for more stuff like this!]