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Sex Swing

Sex Swing

Some of y’all are still living like the sexual revolution never happened and it’s ridiculous.

Oh, sometimes you do it doggy style and leave the hallway light on? Wow, don’t make her cum too hard, James Deen!

Listen, even if you’ve worked through an entire Cosmo listicle of Top 10 Positions to Make You Buy This Magazine After Seeing It in the Checkout Lane, there’s only so many ways you can realistically expect to pound it out. You aren’t getting any younger. Just because you’re all excited to try it standing up in the shower because you watched a Kim Basinger movie or whatever, that doesn’t mean your lower back is into the idea, you know?

Get a sex swing.

It’s that simple.

Oh, what if people come over and see it?

Well, first of all, you probably shouldn’t put your sex swing in the living room… Second of all, if they can’t handle you at your “sex swing” then maybe they don’t deserve you at your “assumed to be having boring sex like everyone else.”

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