Do you ever think about how much fun it would NOT have been to be a pirate?!
That life was no joke, children.
Oh, hold up – did you expect this post to be written in outlandish “pirate talk” and shit?
Ugh… Have some respect for yourself…
But, yeah… Why are pirates always portrayed as having the jolliest of times even though half of them are missing an eye or a hand or a leg? That’s ridiculous… No amount of eye makeup can “make up” for the fact that scurvy took all your teeth, bro.
Why are there musicals about being pirates???
We were saving these peg leg pirate socks to post on one of those bullshit holidays like International Talk Like a Pirate Day or whatever but we got to looking at the sock that looks like a peg leg and, man, it just seems too real now…