Pet Pouch Hoodies
It's time for the human species to admit that we got screwed over. Mammalians are clearly the best class of vertebrates, so we came very close to perfection. We took a wrong turn on the way through the Pouches Department…
Slab-Style Ice Cream Maker
Make your own ice cream at home in the style of marble slab creameries with this special pan! With a "fast freeze" surface, the conveniently sized pan holds a very low temperature from being frozen long enough for you to…
TLC Left Eye Shirt
No scrubs would ever be wearing an old school TLC shirt and that's how you know it's legit! Featuring Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes (a.k.a. the hottest one a.k.a. the one who would burn your motherfucking house down by trying to…
Butter Mill
Meals with milled food are fancier. What's "milled" food? Well, you're familiar with it, even if you think you aren't. Anyone who's ever eaten at an Olive Garden has at least had milled food offered to them. "Fresh pepper for…
100 Dollar Bill Towel
It's all about the Benjamins, baby! Rest your booty like a true G on this beach towel. While it may be illegal to deface US money, it's not illegal to "deface" novelty products that look like US money. That's sweet…
Curious Cat Bottle Stopper
Curiosity hasn't killed this cat but that's only because it can't fit all the way down into the bottle to get at the wine. Too bad for the cat but good for you! Don't worry about cramming that cork back…
Coconut Party Cups
Tiki parties for everybody! Serve your favorite tropical theme cocktails in these plastic coconut cups! These things are better than using real coconuts in every way. First of all, getting one coconut open in a way that it can still…
Wagyu Ribeyes
Don't you want to taste excellence at least once in your life? Wagyu beef is widely regarded as some of the best meat available for human consumption on this planet. As such, it commands a high price, far beyond what…
EXCLUSIVE: Funderwear
Underwear are fun. That's simply a fact. But the "fun" in "funderwear" means functional today! Skivvies, panties, pants, underpants - whatever you call your underthings, they serve a purpose. That's why you wear them. drunkMall is all about taking it to…
Silicon Valley Pied Piper Mousepad
Get in on the ground floor with these Pied Piper mousepads! Listen, your job doesn't pay well. It doesn't pay at all. But you knew that was the situation when you came aboard. It's a totally standard arrangement. Time is…
Unicorn Shirt
Unleash your inner unicorn all over everyone else's mundane eyeballs with this majestic t-shirt. "Spirit animals" are a critically misused conversational device. People see some picture of a sloth sleeping peacefully and they think it's cool or interesting to pretend…
Sea Pinup Bowler Purse
Who could wait to get their tentacles on this purse?! This style of bag is called a bowler but it's way too cute for carrying around bowling balls! With an nautical theme of grasping octopus arms, the aqua color of…