Rubber Ducky with a Dick
It’s officially bathtub season, ladies and gentlemen! It’s cold as balls outside and nothing brings our toes back to life like a long soak in a tub full of warm water - but we don’t like to bathe alone! We…
Sexy Booty mousepad
Ok, this was too weird for us to not post, so if you want to get all mad at us for having it on the site, we totally don’t care. Like, not even a little bit. Promise. So, yeah, what…
A Used Issue of Playboy Magazine from February 1998
This is the Feb. 1998 issue of Playboy Magazine. There’s nothing special about it. Except that it represents a point in time that is gone and will never return. A time when whoever the hell Daphne Decker is happened to…
Dried Carolina Reaper hot peppers
Listen, there is an almost 0% chance that you need to buy this product. We highly recommend that you do not, in fact. In 2013, the Carolina Reaper held the Guinness World Record for heat, peaking at 2.2 million Scoville…
Happy Ending Fortune Cookies
These cookies are kind of like “bedroom coupons” with an element of surprise (and open-mindedness) because you won’t know what the fortune says until it gets opened. For bonus points, make dinner plans at a (nice) Chinese place and arrange beforehand…
Krampus Smartphone Case
Every Christmas, Krampus comes and takes all the misbehaved children away forever. In other words, Krampus is Santa Claus for adults, giving us the gift of reprieve from annoying kids. This phone case won’t get rid of annoying kids but…
“Honest Boy” Pencil Sharpener
We’re still figuring out the rules on what we can and can’t say about the items on drunkMall. This particular pencil sharper places pleasant memories of poignant pillars of prepubescant pop culture puppe- Oh, maybe shouldn’t say that one word…
Rude Party Balloons
After a certain point, going to parties becomes a chore like any other thing you’re supposed to do. We called these Rude Party Balloons but we maybe should have called them Honest Balloons because “THIS PARTY IS SHIT” should have been…
UNT and ICK mugs
Someone told us we had to post these mugs. We don’t know why but we’re such caffeine freaks over here at drunkMall that we’ll pretty much post anything to do with coffee or tea. It’s like, man, if we don’t…
F*ck Feelings book
YEEEEEESSSS Finally, someone had the nerve to stop tiptoeing around, sprinkling self-help adages everywhere. This is what’s up: how many times have you made a terrible decision because of some type of way you felt? Yeah, you know why? Feelings…
Party Animal Jock Strap
What’s not to love, here? It’s basically a wind sock for a dick - so, a dick sock. It’s basically a dick sock that looks like an elephant but wait- It’s leopard print! What if there were some real elephants…
“The Wingman” Tandem Shot Glasses
You and your best friend do everything together. In fact, if you’re looking at this website for any length of time then you probably already take shots together, so why not step up your game with The Wingman: two shot…