Grumpy Care Bear sticker
Of the ten original Care Bears (and don't even pretend like any other Care Bears matter), Grumpy Bear is 100% the best bear. Every other bear was basically the same, happy bear! Grumpy Bear is the only Care Bear with…
144 Beer Pong Balls
Name one thing that wouldn't be better if it had balls. That's right, you can't! Huh, what's that? Didn't quite hear you there? No, YOU'RE a post on a website that it would be pointless to try talking to with…
Unicorn Wine Bottle Holder
Unicorns are magical. Wine is magical. Coincidence? Hardly. Everyone knows that unicorns love to drink wine. They can't get enough of it, in fact. It takes the edge off when people are always trying to hunt them down to harvest…
Everything Is Bullshit book
Happy Singles Awareness Day, everybody! Everything Is Bullshit wraps up our S.A.D. Countdown for 2015 because a lot of the "traditions" of being in a relationship are 100% ridiculous, downright cruel, even. Did you see Blood Diamond? Watch Blood Diamond…
Silk Suit Pajamas
Finally! A sleepwear solution for all the people who have to be ready to attend emergency formal functions at any hour of the day! The James Bond cosplay crowd ought to be stoked about this, for sure. Okay, let's break down what we're…
EXCLUSIVE: 2016 Fashion Guide for Food Lovers
It's important to make a good first impression. Studies regularly show that people will begin deciding "who you are" before they've ever spoken a word to you. Therefore, one's appearance can be thought of as the first layer of a personality.…
Two-Finger Salute Phone Case
"Ayyy, lemme get them digits!" 'All right... Here's one digit. And here's the other!' Y'all are welcome to use that but please tweet the story to us if you do: @drunkMall Human strangers are the worst kind of stranger. At…
Christy Canyon’s Autobiography
Lights! Camera! Sex! Is that what they really say on porn sets? Maybe that's how it used to go down (and in and out) in The '80s, when Christy Canyon was fresh on the porn scene in L.A. Before smartphones,…
Purple Rhinestone Tongue Phone
It's faaaabulouuuuuussss!!! Forget about sexting. Take it back to the old school with some hot and heavy breathing over a landline. Okay, okay... You don't have to get all Miss Jackson if you nasty with the mouth phone if you…
Women’s Batman Tank Top
The perfect attire for hanging out atop skyscrapers, surveying the expanse of the city under your protection, watching out for evildoers that may lurk in the shadows... Or just hanging out on the couch and eating popcorn while watching the…
Brass Balls keychain
The (veiny) attention to detail here is admirable. This keychain is obviously our Singles Awareness Day countdown item of the day. Why? Because guys in relationships don't get to bring their balls with them when they leave the house. "Freedom" is…
Heels Bigger Than Your Dick mug
If wearing high heel shoes came with an instruction manual, there would be a chapter called Unwanted Male Attention. (And since that's an accidental acronym, it would be illustrated with photographs of Uma Thurman being a bad bitch.) The thing about…