Scalp Massager
Having someone else scratch your head feels better than doing it yourself. It just does. Maybe there's a biological reason for that and maybe there isn't. We're not smart enough to know things like that and we're certainly too lazy…
USB Nintendo 64 Controller
Play classic video games the way they were built to be played! The controller for the Nintendo 64 gaming system was pretty controversial when it was released in America. Some people hated it and some people loved it but anyone…
Totino’s Can Cozy
It's not impossible to enjoy a huge pile of pizza rolls without a beer to drink but, like, why would you even want to do that if you have a choice? If there's one thing #millennials love more than pizza products,…
Fried Chicken Phone Case
Yep, this is a real thing that exists and you're looking at a picture of it on the Internet right now. Don't freak all the way out. It isn't a piece of real fried chicken. But it does look exactly like…
12 Mini Pullback Race Cars
Who's up for an old fashioned pullback toy car race?! The thing about kids' toys is that they're wasted on kids. When you're a child, you have no patience or vision for taking a game to its highest heights. Everyone…
2Pac Clock That Plays Changes
First off, we gotta let you know that this clock is extremely limited edition, so not everyone will be able to own one. Sorry. That's just the way it is... The clock is made from an old CD that features…
Darth Vader Molded Backpack
"I find your lack of Star Wars merchandise disturbing..." Seriously, did anyone notice how pedal-to-the-metal they went with licensing Star Wars out for consumer merchandise for this last movie? Some people were acting like it's always been that way with the…
Banana Flasher Plush Doll
Don't let this banana anywhere near the teddy bears! If one bad apple spoils the whole bunch, we don't even want to think about what might happen if this bad banana gets its hands on the cutesy dolls... Bananas are definitely…
Sushi Towel
Who doesn't love sushi?! Sushi is a beautiful food. We're not talking about any of those deep-fried cream cheese rolls. That stuff is ridiculous. Traditional sushi. The old-school stuff. Fish and rice and sea weed. It's considered an art form…
Floating Cooler
Stop taking land coolers where they don't belong! Duct taping a regular cooler to a pool float for your next river party may seem like a genius idea but when you're watching all the beer sink into the murky depths... Well, they…
Star Trek USS Enterprise Sushi Set
Sushi, the final frontier! This kit has everything you need to enjoy sushi except the food. "But drunkMall, that's just a wooden sushi plank with the U.S.S. Enterprise on it." Look closer! Those blue warp beams are really chop sticks!…
EXCLUSIVE: Music Festival Level Ups
It's festival season in America. A magical combination of music and camping that's really only enjoyable when intoxicated on a mixture of alcohol, sun exposure and whatever the hell was in those pills that dude with the dreadlocks had... Heading into a…