Energy Inhalant
Energy drinks suck. Face it, XBOX warrior. They suck. Energy drinks taste bad. Energy drinks make you burp and the burps smell bad for all the same reasons the drinks taste bad. And also, drinking energy drinks supports energy drink…
High Heel Shoe Stapler
Ooh la la! Is it wrong find a stapler sexually appealing? Because this cherry red high heel stapler has us feeling some type of way! Remember in Office Space how that one dude was obsessed with his red Swingline stapler…
NES Cartridge-Style Harmonica
It's boring to go alone! Take this. This amazing harmonica hidden inside what appears to be a classic Nintendo video game cartridge! "But, drunkMall, why?" you ask... Well, maybe you forgot or maybe you're so unfortunate as to never have…
Math Jokes Tote Bag
This product was made for two kinds of people: Math teachers people who need to buy a present for Math teachers It's a singular sense of humor. And you don't have to have it or even understand it. Just trust…
Abe Lincoln Bandages
Abraham Lincoln was such a great man that he's been dead for over 150 years but he's still here to help you out in your time of need. Why reach for a plain old flesh-colored bandage strip to protect that…
Blue Party Light
There won't be any mistaking that it's a certified Party Zone when this blue siren-style light is doing its business! Hopefully you've never seen these blue (and red) flashing lights in your rearview or out front at the part house…
EXCLUSIVE: On Becoming a Night Owl
Night owls have gotten a bad reputation throughout history. But that's horseshit because some of the smartest and most creative individuals who ever lived did a lot of that living well after the witching hour. Some famous examples include: Winston…
Godzilla Slippers
If you're lucky enough to get snowed in this winter, make sure you've got a way to watch as many Godzilla movies as possible. Just trust us. There is no better way to appreciate the subtleties of classic Godzilla (or…
Top Gun Hat from Workaholics
Who's the top gun? You da top gun! All day, every day with this snapback, baby! You may recognize this cap from the epic television comedy series, Workaholics. That's a good show but this isn't even about that. It's about letting…
Solar-Powered Spinning Jupiter
Bring one of the most majestic celestial bodies in this solar system right down to the top of your desk! This neat little globe of Jupiter is about 4.5 inches, so it's not, like, huge but it is a decent…
Retro Coors T-Shirt
Celebrate a legendary beer with an epic t-shirt! This tee looks exactly like an old school can of Coors beer. Now commonly referred to as Coors original or Coors Banquet, the original Coors beer is only 100 years younger than…