Vortex Drink Mixer
Nobody wants to pick themselves up off the mat after a punishing workout and use their limp noodle arms to shake up a protein drink just to have it not mix well anyway. Forget all of that! Throw away your…
Fake Grass Phone Case
This is the perfect phone case for texters who have a green thumb. First off, this isn't a phone case with a high definition graphic of grass. This is a textured, simulated grass, like you'd find on some sporting fields,…
Ass Reaper Hot Sauce
This sauce is so hot you might think it's trying to kill you! Nah, we're just kidding. It's, like, really really hot but if you're in the habit of punishing your digestive tract with capsaicin, you'll be totally fine with this stuff.…
Foolproof Fan and Light Chain Pull Set
Finally! This should be the default chain pulls on ceiling fan/light combo units from now on, fact! How many times have you pulled the wrong chain when trying to turn on a fan or a light? A lot, right? It…
Mullet Wig Headband
The thing about mullets is that they are totally badass but it's only once every five or ten years that they become "socially acceptable" to have one. Then the problem there is that it takes time to grow out the…
Lawyer Up Leggings
Did you know that you have rights? The Constitution says you totally do but what are they? Who even knows? Lawyers know! That's who! drunkMall's policy when it comes to legal proceedings is super simple: LAWYER UP! Slip and fall? Lawyer…
Super Mario Phone Pouch
Need a new purse? This ain't it. Fashion and function don't always travel hand-in-hand. (Seriously, have you ever even seen a fashion show? Nobody's wearing most of that BS.) But sometimes fashionable items do serve a purpose. Technically, this bag is…
Cupcake Flavored Toothpaste
Life is short. Start your day with a bit of dessert! That morning routine just became a little bit sweeter because now you can get cupcake flavored toothpaste! It's like celebrating someone's birthday every time you brush your pearly whites.…
Fake Tampon Flasks
Tired of paying $27 for a drink at Musicfest Bandjam 3000? You aren't alone. Here's the latest in sneaky flask technology: fake tampons! Security checks at concerts and sporting events keep getting more and more thorough, which is fine. But…
Bloody Sunglasses
You'll look bloody fabulous in these shades! With a classic wayfarer frame and a cartoonish bloody print, these are some of the most unique and fun sunglasses around. Wayfarers are back in a big way right now, if you haven't…
Stay Puft Roasted Marshmallow-Scented Candle
There's nothing cuddlier than a giant marshmallow mascot man, as long as you don't make him angry! You wouldn't like him when he's angry... We first met the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man in the original Ghostbusters and, if you remember correctly, the…
Andy Warhol Finger Puppet Fridge Magnet
In addition to predicting the existence of viral content and having his life portrayed on film in some of the most horrendous acting performances ever, Andy Warhol was the kind of artist who would most likely have appreciated being turned into a…