Eggplant USB Drive
This has got to be the best way to store one's private collection of dick pics. Like, you can put whatever you want on there, obviously. It's just a USB flash drive, after all. But when you've got a flash…
Pink Ice Cream Cone Fan
Did you know that eating ice cream when it's hot outside doesn't actually help you cool down? Apparently putting all that sugar and cream into your system causes your body temperature to rise. Of course, you should feel totally free…
Crying Unicorn Candle
Everyone knows what it sounds like when doves cry but what about unicorns? Forget about what it might sound like though, here's what it looks like. The tears are rainbow colored, first of all, which is only to be expected.…
Horse Romance Novel
Whoever came up with the saying that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover was an idiot. Like, okay, if you want to use that phrase metaphorically to mean that you can't know everything about a person by their…
Retro Can Coozies
There is an art to selecting a good can coozie. Fortunately, like most art forms that involve drinking beer, the rules are quite simple. The more random it is and the older it looks, the better. That's the only thing…
Overalls Swimsuit
Old MacDonald had a pool, E-I-E-I-O! Adult overalls are (amazingly) still a thing. Not, like, for farmers. That's who overalls are for and that isn't surprising. But the youth of America, the young people out there buying up what's trendy…
Butterbeer Ice Cream
The wizarding world has transported a delicious frozen treat into the realm of muggles! You know how every person who read all the Harry Potter books will tell you that the books were better than the movies? (Yeah, we get it.…
Taco Money Bag
Let's be honest. How much money do you spend on tacos? You probably don't even know. See, that's a problem. Budgeting your income is just basic adult stuff. You may even have a food budget, which is good. But things…
Polka Dot Sunglasses
White dots match everything! Polka dot wayfarers are the look for this spring and summer, we're calling it now. Scoop these things up now in as many colors as you have hanging in your closet because drunkMall has a pretty…
SPRING BREAK: Pool Party
You better be ready to get wet! Whatever else is going on in your world, good or bad, doesn't matter to the weather. When the sun comes out to play, you gotta forget all that other business and start figuring…
How and Why to Punch Dolphins Guidebook
It's a problem as old as time itself. That age old dilemma, "When is it appropriate to punch a dolphin?" There may be more answers to this question than you would assume. This book, for instance, holds 5 very good…