One Hand Phone Strap
A small strap that attaches to the back of a phone to make it easy to hold with one hand? Uh, yes, please! Honestly, why don't phones ship with these installed already? Oh, because everyone's obsessed with being able to…
Tootsie Roll Pop Dresses
If we get through this post without making an oral sex joke then it will be a miracle. And, honestly, we'd probably be doing a favor to every person thinking about buying a Tootsie Pop dress by making this entire…
Keyless Entry Smart Lock
Unlock doors using a smartphone! Here at drunkMall, we're always saying how important it is to not leave home with car keys while intending to drink. The only keys a drunk person should have in their possession are the keys necessary to…
Cardboard Butler
It's hard to watch movies like Batman and Arthur or TV shows like The Nanny or Archer without thinking about how nice it would be to have a butler. However, butlers are human beings, which *sigh* means you have to…
Desert Storm Trading Cards
Anyone who thinks baseball is America's pastime doesn't follow the news. War. What is it good for? You mean besides seceding from the British Empire, establishing the borders of our new country, killing each other over slavery (and some other…
Bald Eagle Mask
These majestic creatures are the symbol of America and now you can become one whenever you like with a realistic bald eagle mask and matching set of talons! We're less than a month away from celebrating Independence Day in the…
Adult Fairy Tale Coloring Book
Grandma, what large breasts you have! Yeah, you've probably heard that coloring books for adults is the new thing but did you know that adult coloring books for adults is also the new thing? They get a lot more graphic than…
Clamp-On Cup Holder
The excellence and utility of this clamp-on cupholder can not be overstated. Most of us begin life with supreme confidence, even cockiness, in our ability to temporarily place a cup of liquid on or near important belongings without suffering ill…
Smokey and The Bandit Prayer Candles
You can't get much better help than this when praying for the good old American life. The money, the glory, the fun... mostly the money! Considering that Smokey and The Bandit is the single greatest road chase movie ever made,…
fsociety T-Shirt
Show your allegiance to the hacking elite with this fsociety t-shirt! The incredible series Mr. Robot will air the premiere of its second season on July 13 and if there's anything that could keep us inside on a beautiful Summer…
Rapid Drink Chiller
Cool your canned or bottled beverages down to ice cold temperatures in just a minute with this rapid cooling device! Everyone knows that trick where you take a warm drink and roll it back and forth over some ice to…
Toucan Toucan’t Beach Towel
Always bring a towel. Especially if you're going to the beach! Having a funny beach towel is just kind of a ritual. We really like this towel. And, we'll be honest, it's because of how dejected that toucan't looks! He's so…