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Smartphone Seduction Book

Smartphone Seduction Book

A collection of witty, flirty pre-written texts you can send to that beautiful girl you just met… Yeah, if you’re trying to be on the front page of /r/cringepics tomorrow. Ask your grandfather if he remembers the advertisements in the…

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Sexy Booty mousepad

Sexy Booty mousepad

Ok, this was too weird for us to not post, so if you want to get all mad at us for having it on the site, we totally don’t care. Like, not even a little bit. Promise. So, yeah, what…

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The Liberator Play Time Pillow

The Liberator Play Time Pillow

We were watching Master of None the other night and Aziz Ansari’s character came home to show his girlfriend the new sex pillow he’s just bought, called The Liberator. We thought that was funny, so we looked it up and…

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Happy Ending Fortune Cookies

Happy Ending Fortune Cookies

These cookies are kind of like “bedroom coupons” with an element of surprise (and open-mindedness) because you won’t know what the fortune says until it gets opened. For bonus points, make dinner plans at a (nice) Chinese place and arrange beforehand…

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F*ck Feelings book

F*ck Feelings book

YEEEEEESSSS Finally, someone had the nerve to stop tiptoeing around, sprinkling self-help adages everywhere. This is what’s up: how many times have you made a terrible decision because of some type of way you felt? Yeah, you know why? Feelings…

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Custom TitTees shirt

Custom TitTees shirt

Hey, guys, you can stop asking Santa for x-ray vision. Problem solved. Much like the beloved selfie shirt, TitTees answer the question, “Why don’t I have a t shirt with a picture of my own boobs on it?” Indeed, why don’t…

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Party Animal Jock Strap

Party Animal Jock Strap

What’s not to love, here? It’s basically a wind sock for a dick - so, a dick sock. It’s basically a dick sock that looks like an elephant but wait- It’s leopard print! What if there were some real elephants…

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Elvie: The Kegel Tracker

Elvie: The Kegel Tracker

The benefits of Kegel exercises for women are widely documented by physicians far smarter than anyone who will ever be writing posts on drunkMall. If you’re unfamiliar with the practice, we certainly recommend hitting up your favorite search engine and…

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Cuddle Pillow

Cuddle Pillow

Cutting off the circulation to one arm has long been the plight of the big spoon in every extended cuddle session - but no more! The Armadillow is thicker on one side - so the person at the back has…

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Voodoo Breakup Candles

Voodoo Breakup Candles

These candles are ugly as Hell but that’s because they’re built to make someone feel like Hell. Spells sold separately, you know, but we’re sure you can figure that part out... Share this post!

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Hello Kitty Butt Plug

Hello Kitty Butt Plug

Hellooooooooo Kitty! According to The Velvet Lily, this is one of their most popular tailpipe stoppers and we don’t doubt it! You would think that a cat themed sex toy would be designed for the other side though because -…

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