Emoji Masks
Calling it now: if there isn't already a Horror movie being made about a pack of murderers wearing emoji masks, there will be one in less than a year. There's no reason these masks should be scary but they just…
Giant Swan Pool Float
Serious question: is there a person whose job at the pool float factory is to test out the new pool floats? Because that has got to be the best job in the history of capitalism. Laying around in a pool,…
Dickhead Mask
We'll go ahead and assume more of you will be purchasing this as a "gift" for someone else than as a great Halloween costume for yourself. But, hey, it takes a special kind of person to decide they should be…
Bacon Print Duct Tape
So here's a thing we let happen in our generation. On top of allowing "literally" to some-crazy-how wind up officially flip-flopping harder than HRC to mean the exact opposite of what it's supposed to mean, we let people refer to…
Flavored Coffee Lip Pouches
At first, this seemed like an unnecessarily disgusting solution to a problem that nobody has. Namely, how can we make coffee consumption less like drinking something from a cup and more like packing a wad of tobacco in your lip?…
Greasy Pizza Shirt
In the immortal words of Frank Zappa, "Keep it greasy so it'll go down easy!" Yeah, he was probably talking about something else (like, a kielbasa) but you have to read between the lines and get to the heart of…
Snaggletooth Beauty mug
It's a wide, wild world out there, ladies and gentlemen. Sitting at home, watching TV, it's easy to forget that 90% of what's on that screen has nothing to do with real life. Take beauty pageants for example. Sure, there…
Retro Nipple Tassels
Va-va-voom! Unless you've recently been to a burlesque show or enjoy watching risqué movies about striptease clubs of days gone by, you may have no idea what you're looking at, here. We'll assume you know what nipple pasties are because drunkMall…
Iron Throne Bathroom Decal
Ask anyone who grew up in a big family and they'll tell you about the original Game of Thrones... Getting into the bathroom when you need it! Talk about a power struggle. "Just a minute!" is exactly the last thing…
Energy Drink Blood Drip
Let's talk about HANGOVERS! Holy Hell... The day after a real barnburner is so punishing and it just gets worse and worse the older you get. Everyone has their favorite hangover cure - the official drunkMall remedy is spicy food…
Creepy Realistic Poodle Mask
These animals masks are getting out of control. When those horse masks first showed up, they were pretty deep in WTF territory. Now they seem tame in comparison to the things we've seen since then. The latest creeptastic costume to…
Zombie Pen/Pencil Holder
The zombie apocalypse continues its creeping crawl towards reality by laying claim to prime desk space with this undead pencil holder. If you know anything about the walking dead, you know that a pen or pencil through the chest won't…