Patrick Crop Top
It's Patrick Starfish, boys and girls! The happiest (and probably dumbest) starfish ever is here to party for the whole summer! You don't need brains to party, you just need the right attitude and you know your boi Patrick can get…
Japanese Bondage Coloring Book
Are coloring books the new Tumblr? Because Tumblr hit the scene like ten years ago and their users started posting porn all over the site like 9 years and 364 days ago. Now you can't even open your Tumblr app…
Bok Choy Pillow
Other cabbages must hate bok choy, right? Regular cabbages are all stupid and round. Even a perfect head of napa cabbage is just like a stretched out head of regular cabbage. But bok choy is all like "oh do you…
Wonder Woman Gauntlets
Bring your inner Wonder Woman out to play with a set of gold colored wrist gauntlets! We're stoked about the Wonder Woman movie coming out and actually being great. Of course there's always going to be some dumb stuff on the…
Ultimate Relaxation Hoodie
One thing in this crazy world is certain: if they ever build a Comfort Museum then they'll have to save a whole wing in it for hoodies. Do you have a favorite hoodie? Of course you do. Everyone does. Because…
Flying Alarm Clock
It's 2017 and nobody reading this should still be using a regular-ass alarm clock. For one thing, there isn't a single one of you who's never been late because you hit the snooze button of a regular alarm and went…
ESSENTIALS: Summer Vacation
In one week it will officially be summer. If you're doing your life correctly then that means at least one journey should be in your near future, even if you aren't still in school or teaching at one. Whether you…
Bob’s Burgers Flip-Open Watch
It's burger time, baby! Burgers are a way of life and if you aren't living your best burger life then shame be upon you and yours! The anti-burger propagandists don't want you to have your burgers. They want to talk…
Gummy Heart
Alright, here's a little something for everyone who watched the first season of Game of Thrones and thought, "Psh, that Khaleesi ain't nothing special. I could eat a horse heart if a had to do it..." Time to put your…
Pizza Balloons
Pizza party upgrade alert! And we're not even talking about upgrading literal pizza parties. This is about upgrading your entire life to pizza party status. From the moment you wake up and drag yourself into the shower, all through whatever…
Your Best Gym Bag
If you aren't gonna do your best then what's the point of doing anything at all, right? Look your best, stretch your best, feel your best, give it your best shot - it all adds up! Some people will tell…
Confetti High Fives
Can you imagine how it must have felt for the two people who invented the high five? Like, wow. Really... It makes you wonder who they were... What they were doing... What supreme achievement they had performed that needed a…