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ESSENTIALS: Summer Vacation

Summer Vacation

In one week it will officially be summer.

If you’re doing your life correctly then that means at least one journey should be in your near future, even if you aren’t still in school or teaching at one.

Whether you hop on a flight down to South America to lay on a beach or merely cash in some sick days for a camping trip on your couch to finally see what all the fuss is over this Golden Girls show everybody is constantly referencing, you gotta give yourself and a summer vacation – and you’re gonna need some supplies!

#1 Mega-Comfortable Slippers

Mega-Comfortable Slippers

We need to talk about feet.

Actually, we need to not talk about feet…

What we need to be able to do is not talk about or think about feet – your feet – specifically in airports and on airplanes.

Your bare feet do not need to be a thing when traveling with strangers in modern society. There’s no excuse.

Oh, you want to be comfortable.

Okay. How about this. House slippers. Sherpa-lined house slippers are the height of foot comfort and it turns out that you’re totally allowed to wear them at home and while in transit!

#2 Awesome Reading Light

Awesome Reading Light

Travel lights for reading have sucked, like, forever.

Those bulky clip-on things with a stretchy neck?


The LightWedge is a pane of plastic that basically puts a window of light between the reader and the page. No bothering other people with a poorly aimed light, no readjusting the light so you can see what you’re trying to read, no bullshit!

Battery life is advertised as up to 40 hours!

#3 Cool Shades

Cool Shades

One of the best things about being on vacation is the feeling that you can be anyone you want to be.

You go away to a place where nobody knows who you are or what you’re like and all of the sudden there’s this sense of freedom. There’s no responsibility to be the best friend with the good advice, the son or daughter who never cusses at family dinner. Shit, you can even start talking with a fake accident if you want! (Though you prob shouldn’t try on the local accent of wherever you go…)

At the very least, you can dress a little differently. Take these crazy looking sunglasses for a test ride!

What even are these?

The design is called the Terminator and you can see why. Minimal aesthetic, metallic look – go for it!

#4 Sexy One Piece

Sexy One Piece

It ain’t winter vacation.

This is summer vacation.

Go somewhere warm!

And don’t forget to pack a sexy swimsuit with you because there’s so many lifelong relationships that begin with people meeting on vacation, aren’t there? But you gotta put yourself out there, you know.

This alluring one piece gives your body a little bit of help along the way by offering a realistic print of a perfect male body. Perfect if you like male bodies right when they begin to enter “bear” territory. A little bit of a beer gut, hair covering all of the front and most of the back – you know, the good stuff.

#5 Kraken Travel Mug

Kraken Travel Mug

Maybe you’re more of a road trip person than a plane ticket person.

Honestly, unless you’re trying to be the star of a new viral video showing an airline kicking the shit out of a customer then who could blame you for wanting to avoid all the hassle of airports?

You can’t even bring an adult-sized beverage through security. (Shoutout to airplane sized bottles of liquor though.)

Driving a car somewhere, you can basically do whatever the hell you want, especially where beverages are concerned. This travel mug is made of ceramic and comes with a rubber lid, so you can give yourself an upgrade from flimsy to-go cups of coffee!

That kraken design is so nice, you might even want to get this thing just for the drive to work every day…

#6 Extra Long Phone Cables

Extra Long Phone Cables

You don’t have enough phone cables.

You just don’t.

Even if you have a box with 100 extra phone cables in it somewhere at home, are they 10 feet long? Because if not then you still don’t have enough phone cables.

These 10 foot long phone cables are a life-saver, especially when you have no idea what the outlet situation will be like where you’re going and on your way there. The extra length could be the difference between comfortably laying in a bed to use your phone while it charges and sitting on the probably-not-that-clean floor. The braided exterior is also nice.

#7 Travel Weights

Travel Weights

Traveling a thousand miles away from your gym is no excuse to let your body go to shit.

Fast forward 20 years.

Do you want to tell your kids the story of how you met your partner doing body shots at The Drunken Frog?

Or would you rather tell the story of how you were both the only ones at the pool before noon to get in some exercise while on vacation?


Normally, traveling with dumbbells would be difficult (if not impossible) but these travel weights can be filled with water once you reach your destination and it’s time for that workout. Empty them out and pack ’em back up when you’re done!

#8 Weighted Blanket

Weighted Blanket

You ever look at someone napping in public and think, “How? How do they do that?”

Maybe it’s a gift or a talent.

Or maybe you simply lack the right tools for the job.

Weighted blankets have long been used in psychiatric therapy to reduce stress and anxiety, increase comfort and relaxation and generally help provide a stronger sense of well-being. Typically used in professional settings, weighted blankets are starting to become available for purchase by home users and this one is perfect for travelers.

#9 Noise-Cancelling Headphones

Noise-Cancelling Headphones

So you’ve got unlimited data and the queue in your Netflix app is well-stocked.

But’s it’s worthless if you can’t hear it and we’ve already made the point that annoying your fellow travelers should be the last thing you ever want to do with your vacation.

Enter noise-canceling headphones. You know what they are and you know what they do.

Bose noise-canceling headphones are the industry standard for a reason. You can get better ones and you can get worse ones but these are the benchmark.

#10 Versatile Travel Pillow

Versatile Travel Pillow

Yet another product that has sucked for nearly the entire history of its existence: the travel pillow.

It’s not even worth mentioning the shortcoming of all its predecessors because The Ostrich Pillow Mini is here to make it all better! You may remember Ostrich as the makers of this travel pillow that you put your entire head inside. Probably not a lot of people got on board with that, even though we’re still fully sold on it. So they came up with this idea.

Strapping the pillow to your arm lets you doze in various positions without worrying about the pillow slipping away and waking you up just as you fall asleep.

#11 Water Tight Bag

Water Tight Bag

There’s about five million reasons why this watertight bag is a must-own item for anyone with a keychain to put it on. But you can add an extra million for anyone on the road.

Keep valuable electronics in this while you’re on a boat or near a pool – anything like that. Thing is, though, the bag works both ways. So, yeah, you can protect things inside the bag from getting wet but you can also protect dry things outside the bag from wet things inside the bag.

So if you’ve got a swimsuit that didn’t get dry before you have to pack your suitcase back up? Throw it in the bag and cinch it closed!

#12 Cold Brew Travel Bottle

Cold Brew Travel Bottle

Maybe you can afford one of those fancy travel espresso makers. Hey, congratulations on being a big shot. You enjoy your steaming hot coffee beverage… in July…

The rest of us will be enjoying cold brew straight from the infusion bottle!

This thing is amazing. You add coffee to the stainless steel filter and fill it with water. Refrigerate overnight (shaking it every now and then) and you’ve got a travel bottle of cold brew coffee waiting to get you through the whole day.

#13 Compact Beach Umbrella

Compact Beach Umbrella

Getting sunburned is the fastest way to screw up an entire vacation.

Why would you let all that planning and money go to waste just so you can be miserable? You could have stayed home to do that…

Yes, for sure use sun lotion, as any adult should know by now. But also, these travel umbrellas pack down into a 2 foot long carrying case that easily fits in a suitcase and has an arm strap for short distance trips.

Enjoy the shade so you can enjoy the sun for even longer!

#14 White Noise Machine

White Noise Machine

One more sleep hack for the road.

White noise machines generate a sound like rushing air that can help cover up annoying sounds that might otherwise prevent you from being able to sleep. This is especially useful for those of you who try to save some cash by choosing the budget hotel room option.

Don’t lay awake all night listening to semi trucks drive by on the interstate or whatever is happening in your neighbor’s hotel room. Get some shut eye so you can have a good time the next day!

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