Stress Boob
It makes sense, really. Squeezing a boob was probably one of the first things you ever did to deal with stress when you were only an infant. Now that you're older, there won't always be a boob on hand when…
Laser Tag Guns
Isn't this supposed to be the future? We've had laser tag for over 20 years and everyone knows it's exhilarating. Why don't we have more laser sports?! Where are all the people whose job it is to invent sports, what…
EXCLUSIVE: Spring Breakers Essentials
Spring Break is... Well, it's whenever it is. Different schools do it at different times. Whatever. We pretty much have to do a big Spring Break post, so here it is! If you already had your Spring Break by the…
Titillating Coloring Book
Coloring books are the hot new trend for adults pursuing "mindfulness" in their lives. Most of the books we've seen get talked about are pretty lame, though. Why don't they make coloring books with pictures of the things adults care…
One Gallon Flask
That's a huge flask! The point of most flasks is to have a convenient and discreet method of carrying liquid, usually booze, on one's person. That is so not the point this time, folks! Well over a foot tall and weighing…
You Suck at Parking cards
Take the guesswork and creativity out of insulting strangers with rude notes by letting a pre-composed card do the talking for you! For the record, drunkMall believes in dealing with minor disagreements in person, calmly and rationally, but we're way,…
Sneaky Snake Boxer Shorts
Ssssssure to give someone quite a sssssexy ssssssurprise, these boxer shorts are knitted from a soft and warm acrylic fabric, so it isn't itchy like wool. Aside from the fact that there's a prominent snake hanging off the front (and a…
Romantic Cookbook for Men
Dudes who can't cook at all need to get it together. Do you look like Leonardo DiCaprio? Are you as rich as Bruce Wayne? Have you dedicated a year of your life to rescuing small kittens from the mouths of…
Minecraft Pickaxe Bottle Opener
It's no Diamond Pickaxe but that Iron one gets the job done just as well! Here's a bottle opener for everyone who plans their entire week around how many hours of Minecraft they can get in if everything goes well.…
Los Pollos Hermanos magnet
Fans of Breaking Bad will immediately recognize Los Pollos Hermanos as Gus' fried chicken fast food franchise/money laundering business for his massive illegal drug operation. Despite vicious hoaxes, we very well may never get more episodes of Breaking Bad. All we…
Checkers Shots
One fun thing that adults like to do is the exact same things they did when they were small children, only with a massive amount of booze involved. Ping pong? Beer pong. Battleship? Battle shots. Tic-tac-toe? Tic tac bro. While not…
Map to Poundtown condom
Everyone has gotten lost on their way to Poundtown before. It happens to the best of us, no matter how well you plan the route, make sure you pee before leaving home, double-check that the space heater is unplugged... Doesn't…