A Telescope
You may ask, “Why have you posted a telescope on drunkMall?” Let us remind you that this is a website for people who like to shop when they’ve been drinking. None of this has to make any sense. For instance, we…
Lionel Richie mug
A pun! About tea! How deliciously wicked! Who ever would have thought! Calm down, we like the mug, too. We’re posting it aren’t we? This is happening because everyone keeps talking about Adele’s “Hello” and it’s like, “No, hello to you, Adele.…
Send Rick Rolls by Mail
We don’t normally like any of the “Send _____ to ____ !!!” products but the thing about this is that we really, really, really like the song “Never Gonna Give You Up” by Rick Astley. Really. It’s great that Rick Rolling became…
Finger Hands
This is not okay. Everything has gone too far. Why? Seriously, why? Anyone? Anyone at all. We managed to freak ourselves out even further by imagining someone running a handful of finger hands over their chest while wearing nipple covers……
“Riding Cowgirl” sex action keychain
Right up there with other classics like the “Time to Fuck” wristwatch and five golden chains buried in an explosion of chest hair, it’s a keychain of people having sex! Recommended for fans of The Shocker keychain. Not just any sex, either.…
Pugburgers Duvet
This is what the Internet is for, the digital manipulation of animals into the ridiculous situations we’d force them if it weren’t physically impossible and/or illegal. Because it’s so cute! Exhibit A: The Pugburger Duvet. At first glance, it looks…
Translucent Millennium Falcon Lamp
It’s safe to say you can expect pretty regular drunkMall appearances from the Star Wars franchise until all this hype dies down in neverteen years. At 10" tall x 6″ wide, the Millennium Falcon lamp is a nice size for…
Espresso-Filled Chocolates
Finding out this exists and we’ve never had it hurts on a spiritual level we were not prepared to deal with today. “Go to the boss’ office, just look her in the eye and transmit the feel telepathically until everyone…
Miniature Arcade Game Cabinet
The glory days of one-button mash fest arcade games are back, baby, and they’re smaller than ever! This thing is so small, it’s probably a good idea to attach a tile tracker to it so you don’t lose it. Tiny Arcade…
Desk Holster
First of all, we suggest using this under-the-desk holster for not-a-real gun, such as a rubber band machine gun or a Nerf Rival Blaster. Party Tip: don’t keep a real gun under your desk! It contributes to nervousness and poor…
Heated Massage Seat Cushion
Being cold sucks. What else sucks is not being massaged, like, all the time. That’s how rich people get to live. Nothing but warmth and massages all day. Turns out, it doesn’t cost that much money to be warm and…
“Magic Finger” throw pillow
Remember this trick? Always a crowd pleaser. Even the very first time, it’s obvious the guy isn’t taking the tip of his thumb off over and over again. But that’s what makes illusions so awesome! We know what we’re seeing…