We’ve been trying to get BuzzFeed to write about drunkMall since Day 1 and they just will not do it. If you’re reading this and you know anyone who works at BuzzFeed, tell them to email us!
Anyway, we finally decided to just make our own listicle.
Here are five things you could do with a seemingly pointless Santa Claus prosthetic belly:
- Buy two and make it House Beer Pong Rules that the losing team has to wear Santa bellies until another team loses.
- Wear it under your clothes to any party where people haven’t seen you for a few years. After a while, excuse yourself from the party by making a loud comment about how you have to take a dump. Go to the bathroom, remove the belly and stash it in the closet. Rejoin the party and act casual, like nothing’s changed.
- Go to any store that has tight aisles and stand in the one with the most foot traffic.
- Apply for a job as a mall cop. Show up to the interview wearing this on the outside of your clothes and speak only in direct quotes from the movie Paul Blart: Mall Cop.
- Draw a face on your Santa Belly. Wear it every day, call it “Kuato,” and insist that your friends include Kuato in your conversations.
And, of course, to do any of that you will need a Santa belly!