Hunky Jewelry Holder
Sometimes you just need a big, strong man in your life to hold up your jewelry... with his dick. Or, actually, it doesn't have to be about "need." It can be entirely about "want." And it doesn't have to be…
Worst Prank Card Ever
All other prank gift cards can pack up and go home. The game has been won, for real. There are so many types of prank card out there. You've got the audio card that plays a message and won't stop…
British Willy Care Kit
Ah, the British! How is it that everything done overseas seems to be done with so much more ceremony and refinement? Is it the accent? Even their manscaping kits look like something you'd give a person for graduating law school…
Guardians of the Galaxy-Themed Sex Toys
Oh, don't act surprised! You're not new to the Internet... You know Rule 34... If it's only a matter of time before any new and popular thing gets turned into porn, then it's only another year or two after that…
Cocktastic Coloring Book
An instant classic of the adult genre of adult coloring books: it's Cocktastic! Boasting "artistic willies" to help you maintain "extreme mindfulness," you can beautify these phalluses with crayons or colored pencils or smashed makeup mixed with your own saliva -…
Eggplant Emoji Trucker Hat
Hey, dickhead! Need a new hat? Sure you do. There's no way you have an emoji trucker hat already and if you don't have an emoji trucker hat then what are you even doing out here? Wearing hats with words…
Dick Pillows
Stiff neck? Maybe you should prop your head up with a nice cock pillow. Maybe it's been too long since you had an erect one in your life, you know? That's just one of many excellent reasons to purchase a…
Eggplant USB Drive
This has got to be the best way to store one's private collection of dick pics. Like, you can put whatever you want on there, obviously. It's just a USB flash drive, after all. But when you've got a flash…
Wiener Dog Sign
When you've got the finest wiener in the world then you're going to want to show it off. Now you can let the entire planet know about your amazing wiener with this prestigious sign! Hang it on the wall of…
EXCLUSIVE: Funderwear
Underwear are fun. That's simply a fact. But the "fun" in "funderwear" means functional today! Skivvies, panties, pants, underpants - whatever you call your underthings, they serve a purpose. That's why you wear them. drunkMall is all about taking it to…
Package Pouches
It's not a proper present unless it's been gift wrapped, fellas. Remember that. You can put in the work on those ab muscles, manscape* the mainstage for curtain call and plan the reveal down to the smallest details - but in…
Penis Worship Lighter
In the long tradition of greasy gold chains worn on exposed hairy chests and TIME TO FUCK wristwatches, we proudly direct your attention to this lighter in the form of a gargantuan golden cock being embraced (worshipped?) by a naked…