Python Jerky
Alright. Everybody think of all their dick-related puns and get it out of the way. You done yet? Okay, now we can talk about this like adults... If you've never slipped a python between your lips and felt that meat…
Geometric Sweatshirt
Most geometry teachers are boring as fuck. But most geometry teachers have never smoked DMT in the living room of a drug dealer binge-watching Neil deGrasse Tyson's Cosmos series on Netflix. We're not advocating the use of illegal drugs, here. If…
Shark Attack Beach Towel
Shark attack! Two words you definitely don't want to hear at the beach. But don't let that stop you from enjoying this beach towel with a bit of a darkly comic design for the occasion! Sharks are awesome, okay? Honestly,…
Awesome Frisbee Game
While it's not in drunkMall's best interests to have you doing anything except using an Internet-connected device to look at the things we post on this site and then buy those things, the fact is that you will eventually want…
Urinal Shot Glasses
Anyone ever wonder why getting really drunk is called getting shitfaced? It doesn't really make any sense. 99% of the times you've used the word "shitfaced" to describe what you did last night, did shit come anywhere near your face?…
RC Flying Shark
You've seen Sharknado. Wait, you haven't seen Sharknado? Fix your life. Alright, for everyone who has it together and has seen Sharknado, you know the drill. The game has changed. Sharks aren't perfect death machines handcrafted by years of evolution…
Magnetic Table Hockey
Here's something for anyone who's dropped serious coin in an air hockey arcade machine! This table top game isn't exactly like air hockey but it's very close. Instead of air jets creating a cushion for the game puck to glide…
Chile Nelson Bottle Sleeve
Protect the precious contents of your glass bottles with a spicy but chill bit of cloth insulation! Foodiggity's "Freaker" bottle sleeves are one-size-fits-all pieces made of stretchy fabric meant to slide over the body of your (presumably booze-filled) bottles. It…
Little Green Men UFO Shirt
Aliens - so hot right now! This stellar shirt is covered in little green alien heads, UFOs, stars and alien hands giving the universal peace sign. With NASA's recent announcement of their discovering seven Earth-like planets that may or may…
Porking Piggies Salt and Pepper Shakers
Shake things up in the kitchen! This salt and pepper shaker set (obviously) looks like a couple of pigs doing one of probably, like, four total things pigs ever actually do: fuck. For fans of pigs, porkin', salt and/or paper,…
Nudifier App
Pulling down your friends' pants in public used to be a socially acceptable way to hilariously embarrass them. Unfortunately, now that we're all adults, it's a socially unacceptable way to get someone put on a list they'll never get off…
GIVEAWAY: Micro-Magic 8 Ball
Life is hard. So much uncertainty. And, ugh, one decision after another that needs to be made. Take out the guesswork with a Magic 8 Ball! "But drunkMall, I can't leave every major decision of my life up to an…