Bathroom Tablet Stand
Addicted to your tablet? We've got just the thing to keep you from having to put down Candy Crush or take a potty break during your solo Frasier marathon! This contraption is a tablet stand with a built-in toilet paper…
Michelangelo’s David Light Switch Plate
Michelangelo's sculpture, David, is unquestionably one of the greatest artistic achievements in human history. It's truly remarkable. But, since we're all stupid monkeys, all anyone ever talks about his the tiny penis on the statue. So David was a grower,…
Shithead Sunglasses
Hey, poophead, we found you some new sunglasses! There are probably hundreds of reasons to purchase these poo emoji sunglasses but we're gonna talk about the two biggest possible reasons you may want to own this marvelous product. The first…
Conch Shells
It's happened to all of us. You lied about going to the Bahamas over summer vacation when really you just didn't answer anyone's texts for six weeks and stayed inside playing 2k career mode... It happens! Everyone might buy that story…
How to Live with a Huge Penis
This isn't a book anyone actually needs to read. For instance, one of the sections is titled Unzipping: Coming Out to Your Friends & Family. Uh, okay. Step 1: don't. Your parents already know about your wang. And as for…
Cheap Lionel Richie Mask
Lionel Richie has one of the most warm and kind public personas of anyone in the music business. That makes this weird, cheap mask of his face with its cutout eyes all the more disturbing by contrast. It's like some…
How to Eat Out
It's a skill many claim to possess but few often do - the science and art of eating out. You may say, "Now, drunkMall, don't give me any of that business. I've been eating out for my entire life and…
Unicorn Rainbow Tape Dispenser
You can't glue the broke pieces of your life back together with unicorns and rainbows but if you need to, like, tape an envelope shut or some administrative shit like that - we've got great news for you - that…
Terrifying Michael Jackson Mask
It's difficult to know the intentions of whomever created this Michael Jackson mask. On one hand, it's absolutely terrifying. That's not even debatable. If this mask had been around when John Carpenter made the first Halloween movie, there's a strong…
My Little Pony Hooded Poncho
It really doesn't get anymore "I don't give a shit what you think about me" than wearing a My Little Pony poncho with pink pony head hood on it! Where would you wear something like this, you ask? Uh, where wouldn't…
Loving It Sticker
Ba da ba da da! What's your favorite place to eat lunch? If your standard response to that question has gotten you more than one sit-down with HR, this is the bumper sticker for you! Taking extreme liberty with parody…
Northern Exposure Cookbook
If you were born in the late 70s or early 80s then you may have a slight recollection of Northern Exposure as a show you channel surfed right past while searching for Beavis and Butthead or The Simpsons or some other…