Gee-Key Swords
Seriously, all of you entrepreneurs out there, before you name your products, send us an email, pay us a grand and we’ll name your products for you! That’s pretty damn cheap and our track record of coming up with awesome…
Threadbare Budweiser t-shirt
With the best t-shirts, it's pretty much a gamble whether or not every time you wear them will be the last time. One snag while you’re walking and it’s all over. But it’s so worth it. Threadbare shirts like this…
Lipstick Vibrator
The descriptions of these things always use the word “discreet.” Like, are you sure? Shouldn’t “discreet” last longer than a few seconds after someone looking , “Oh, what’s this?” If you want to see discreet, check out this hidden TV wall-mount. That’s discreet.…
Pizza Rat pin
We’ll never forget you Pizza Rat. Ours is not the fickle love of viral social media, blazing with the white heat of rocket fuel and faded all too quick. No, Pizza Rat. Our love remains as you once were, dragging…
Sexy Super Maria and Louise phone case
Maria and Louise always played video games when they were growing up. Not because they only hung out with boys who played video games. Not because they didn’t like other things that girls are “supposed” to like. They just liked playing…
The Dead Celebrity Christmas Cookbook
There’s nothing to liven up a Holiday gathering like some culinary advice from recognizable figures who’ve been taking dirt naps for decades! Though you could also bring the zombie garden gnome in from the front yard to use as a…
The Shower Beer Buddy
Did you know there is an entire sect of society built around enjoying alcoholic beverages while in the shower? It’s real. A lot of these people hang out at /r/showerbeer and just kinda let each other know that, yes, they…
Notorious B.I.G. sweater
A lot of people have asked why we aren’t posting more ugly Christmas sweaters. We assume those people must have broken the rest of their Internet because every other website in the galaxy won’t shut the eff up with the…
Ghost World Lapel Pin
It’s weird that nobody ever talks about Ghost World anymore. It was a pretty big deal for an indie flick back in 2001, right? Steve Buscemi, Scarlett Johansson before she was a global superstar, Brad Renfro (R.I.P.), David Cross, that nunchuck…
The Party Plate
Show up to any holiday party with a rack of these and, trust us, people will be into it. If you invite drunkMall to your party, make sure there are plenty of salt & vinegar potato chips. We will for…
Jedi Bath Robe
We finally saw The Force Awakens and now all we do is stay home, weeping into the sleeves of our Jedi bath robe and mourning the loss of… Well, you know. It’s a great robe. At least we still have…
Glowpong: LED Beer Pong Table
DISCLAIMER: this item is for partying professionals only! Beer Pong is a high-action, high-risk alternative sport, where injuries can sometimes be sustained. Removing adequate lighting from playing arena should be attempted only by trained professionals, daredevils and thrill-seekers with nothing…