Garden Gnome Monster Massacre
If anyone knows how the whole stupid garden gnome trend got started, keep it to yourself because nobody cares and we've moved on to making fun of that shit by parodying it in sick and cruel ways. drunkMall has a…
Light String Corks
Raise your hand if you've got a collection of empty bottles in your home right now. Put your hand down. Nobody can see you. Okay, yeah, we didn't think that through. But you've got all those bottles! Why? What are…
Political Countdown Calendar
It seems like every single day for the last two weeks there's been a headline that causes you and/or your social media friends to lose their entire minds, right? American politics in 2017 is a new species of animal. We…
GIVEAWAY: Eyes Open Sleep Mask
Never let anyone catch you sleeping again! This sleep mask is printed on the outside with an image of WIDE OPEN human eyeballs. Block out the light to help you get better sleep while looking like the most alert person…
Doughnut Pillow
This is much cuter than your grandparents' doughnut pillow! Now, we don't have to talk about all the specific reasons a person might need or want a doughnut pillow (because 99% of them have to do with bad things happening…
Sloth Infuser and Mug Set
Take it nice and slow with a relaxing cup of tea, brought to you by the spirit animal of every slacker, the sloth! Sloths are so chill. All they wanna do is be left alone, eat some snacks at a…
Ghost Pepper Popcorn
Popcorn is already such a compulsively addictive food. Once you start eating popcorn, it's really hard to stop! That's because the typical saltiness dehydrates your body while also stimulating your salivary glands. Your mouth starts to feel dry and you…
Chicken Ramen Phone Case
Who feels like chicken (flavor) tonight? And tomorrow... and the next day... The appearance of this phone case is instantly recognizable to every one of you who had to pay off a student loan or work for two years as…
Bob’s Burgers Recipe Book
Ever wanted to take a big ol' bite of some delicious looking thing you saw in a cartoon? Hey, we aren't talking about Rule 34, weirdo! We're talking about burgers - Bob's Burgers! The Belcher family in the wildly popular…
Wrong Lyrics Tumbler
Is there a greater pleasure in this world than drunkenly belting out the lyrics to an awesome song with all your friends? There's certainly nothing funnier than finding out you or a friend has been singing the wrong lyrics to…
Beef Jerky Bouqet
Valentine's Day is coming up but not everyone is in to flowers and candy. In fact, not everyone is into relationships or Valentine's Day! This February 14th, you can go way outside the box and give your significant other something…
Plastic Welding Kit
Unless you're Amish then you've gone through about five billion phone charger cables by this point in your life. Is it a conspiracy of obsolescence? Fuckin' probably! But you no longer need to live under that shadow governm- er, corporative…