EXCLUSIVE: Sex Sells
You don't have to be a total piece of shit wannabe entrepreneur with a library of unread marketing books in the garage of your Hollywood hills home to know that sex sells. Just check the spam folder of your email. Probably…
Dickbutt Patch
Day #1257 of the Meme War and we see no sign of an end in sight! Stay safe out there, soldiers! The enemy is relentless. Shitposting platoons are thick. But you must remember your training and look for holes in…
EXCLUSIVE: Love Stinks!
In the perpetual transition from one holiday to the next, we've now reached the point in the year at which is will soon be Valentine's Day. You're already aware of this because there's no earthly possible way that you wouldn't…
Dick Nose Face Mask
Yo, what up, dick nose?!? Never in the history of all mankind has it been easier to put a fake cock right smack dab in the middle of your face than right now! Now we're not saying that putting a penis…
EXCLUSIVE: New Beers Resolutions
This one's for everybody who made a realistic resolution for 2017. Take all that "new mind, new body, new you" hooey and stuff it, okay, folks? Everybody knows the stats on how busy gyms are in February compared to January and…
Tenacious D Cum Towel
Possibly the greatest piece of music merchandise ever made and we should expect nothing less from Tenacious D, the self-proclaimed best rock band in the world. Featuring a cute pastel colored cartoon of such magical things as butterflies, a rainbow,…
The Dong Bong
It's so good once it hits your lips! Take a knee and get ready for the sexiest beer bong of your life because it's The Dong Bong, baby! Yup, it's a beer bong with a big, fake cock on the…
EXCLUSIVE: The Weird and Wild World of Sex Toys!
Ladies aaaaand Gentlemen! Step right up, right this way --- to your very own treasure chest of personal pleasures! This week we're transforming a small corner of drunkMall into a one-of-a-kind sex shop experience. Maybe you've visited the local lion's den…
Golf Club Piss Jug
This is what they call a gamechanger! Golf is a game where you spend most of a day walking around outside and swinging various sticks at a little ball until you knock it into this hole or that hole. It's…
Michelangelo’s David Light Switch Plate
Michelangelo's sculpture, David, is unquestionably one of the greatest artistic achievements in human history. It's truly remarkable. But, since we're all stupid monkeys, all anyone ever talks about his the tiny penis on the statue. So David was a grower,…
How to Live with a Huge Penis
This isn't a book anyone actually needs to read. For instance, one of the sections is titled Unzipping: Coming Out to Your Friends & Family. Uh, okay. Step 1: don't. Your parents already know about your wang. And as for…
Cock Lover Beer Cozy
Who loves the cock? That's right - everyone loves the cock. Okay, we really should have called this a Cock Liker cozy - because it says "I LIKE" above a picture of a rooster - but be real for a…