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Budweiser T-Shirt

Budweiser T-Shirt

You can tell this is bootleg because, thanks to all the uptight advertising laws in this stupid country, it would probably be illegal for a beer brand to make this shirt, implying a causative/correlative relationship between a brand of alcohol…

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Krispy Kreme Jelly Beans

Krispy Kreme Jelly Beans

Maybe you can resist doughnuts in the name of ab muscles or a smaller butt. Perhaps jelly beans have long been filed away in your mental cabinet of Bad Things for Bad People I'm So Bad if I Eat These…

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Crushed Velvet Track Pants

Crushed Velvet Track Pants

Good luck finding a pair of these in your local thrift shop. That's where you should find something like this, of course. Because whatever decade spawned this piece of fashion is long gone and it ain't coming back. And what…

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Instant Douchebag Costume

Instant Douchebag Costume

Chances are you're reading this after one of your friends got sick of you texting them to ask what you should be for the costume party this year. They sent you this link and now you're thinking two things: 1…

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HALLOWEEN 2017: Costume Ideas

HALLOWEEN 2017: Costume Ideas

Let's get something straight, October 1st is the first day of Halloween Month. Okay? Planning one costume to wear one time to one party and then waiting a whole year to do it again, that's no way to go through…

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Edison Bulb Lamps

Edison Bulb Lamps

There's nothing like a visit to the local trendy coffee house or whiskey bar to make your own home feel entirely without character and inadequate as a place for cool, cultured people to congregate. Everything's all nice smelling and made…

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Man Cave Candles

Man Cave Candles

These are supposed to be candles for dudes or whatever but let's real talk for a minute... No matter whether or not you were born with a ding dong, we should all be able to agree that the candle section…

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Micro-Elliptical Machine

Micro-Elliptical Machine

First thing to go out the window when you go on a trip is whatever your idea of healthy eating is. Or at least your strength in sticking to eating within those boundaries. The least you could do for yourself…

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Dancing Hot Dog Onesie

Dancing Hot Dog Onesie

It's the dancing hot dog that's captured the hearts of... Well pretty much only those of us on Snapchat but that's all the cool ones. This little dude popped up in that great time suck of an app last month…

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Ultimate Wireless Headphones

Ultimate Wireless Headphones

Looks can be deceiving. For instance, you've probably seen someone walking around with a pair of wireless headphones and thought, "Those look convenient. I should get a pair." 8 times out of 10, you'd be wrong. Most wireless headphones suck,…

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Bloody Eyeballs

Bloody Eyeballs

It's never too early to prepare for Halloween. Also, it's never too late to develop a full scale, year-round fascination with gross, scary things. You'd be amazed at the kind of things you can buy in this world. There's probably…

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Sex Swing

Sex Swing

Some of y'all are still living like the sexual revolution never happened and it's ridiculous. Oh, sometimes you do it doggy style and leave the hallway light on? Wow, don't make her cum too hard, James Deen! Listen, even if…

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